Friday, May 26, 2017

When You Are At The Edge Ready To Jump

It is a truly hard job being a mom.
You see, most people do not believe that being a parent is a job. It's just part of the life you chose and it's just how things are. You know; because "you wanted it."

 It is mundane and hard. It is repetitive and boring at times. You suffer from lack of sleep, lack of energy, playing referee and all in all, it's just the beginning of our new normal. But while you feel like you are standing on the edge of that cliff; remember one thing. Deep down you really did want this.

It does come with the territory of being called mom. Kids bicker, they fight. But they also give you hugs and kisses as a child, and say I love you. Even at 8-12 they may even still say they need you.

 Nobody who has kids are ever truly ready for that step. Even when they spend years on top of years trying for a family they aren't really ready when those double lines show up on the test. The idea of a family is wonderful and almost fairy tale like. In all actuality you aren't prepared to hear any bad news or lose a baby during a pregnancy.

You aren't prepared for complications during labor, or your baby to stop breathing their first night home. You really never are prepared 24-7 when that one diaper blowout happens in the middle of the craft store and guess who is covered in poop other than the baby? Who forgot to pack spare clothes? Life happens and don't expect it to be perfect.

There will always be that cliff at the edge of your feet. You will have to remind yourself that it is worth it. Because it is. It really really is.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2017

The truth about suicide.

This may be triggering to some so please take note before continuing.

Your best friend looks happy. He or she lives daily life very open and peppy.
But when they are alone they don’t eat, can’t sleep, cry all the time. So
When you lose them you blame yourself for not seeing it. What did I do to
make matters worse? What could I have done differently? Did I upset them in any way?
OH crap I forgot to call them last week. It had been nearly a month since we last spoke. I wasn’t
There for them.


1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

These are also called the 5 stages of grief.

DENIAL:  It can’t be. It didn’t happen. They are just at the store or in bed. They haven’t called because they have been busy.

ANGER: How could they be so selfish (I hear that one alot)? How did I not see it coming?
Why would they do this? How could they leave their family behind hurting?

BARGAINING: What can I do to change this? I wish it were me instead. Why couldn’t it be the evil people and not a sweet mother, sister, best friend.

DEPRESSION: I can’t take this anymore. I just want to die too. I don’t want to get out of bed.
I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. All I think about is you. I have lost all interest in everything. The sunshine even looks dull without you here.

ACCEPTANCE: I lost someone. But I have my life to live and my family to be there for. I can breathe again and once again have happy days. I will still feel sorrow when I think of you but I
also feel happy that I have the memories that I do with you.

I want to say I am one who has lost my best friend to suicide. She took a permanent solution to a temporary situation. I am angry at her for it and as of this date it has been 5 months since the loss of her. I am stuck between denial, anger, and depression. I have been stuck for a few months in this.


Even if you are the suicidal one or the one who lost someone to suicide. You can move forward.
Your life might suck right now BUT you have the option to make a change. You don’t end your life because it gets too hard. You talk to someone, possibly it’s just a chemical imbalance in your brain. Maybe life is really getting to be too much. Think why is it getting to be so much?
What can you change? Can you seek out school? A job? If it is a bad relationship, you can leave. ASK FOR HELP! Do not let your ego or fear hold you back. You are very strong and you can overcome this slump you feel like you are in. I promise.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, therapist, or anyone who is medically capable of giving medical advice. Please if you feel suicidal or even need someone to talk to please seek help.
 If you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741-741.

If you need help or if you are looking to help please visit.  

Suicide claims more lives than war, murder, and natural disasters combined.
In 2014 (latest available data), there were 42,773 reported suicide deaths.
Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death for adults between the ages of 15 and 64 years in the United States.
Currently, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States.
A person dies by suicide about every 12.3 minutes in the United States.
Every day, approximately 117 Americans take their own life.
Ninety percent of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death.
There are 3.5 male suicides for every female suicide, but three times as many females as males attempt suicide.
494,169 people visited a hospital for injuries due to self-harm behavior, suggesting that approximately 12 people harm themselves (not necessarily intending to take their lives) for every reported death by suicide.

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Saturday, May 20, 2017



This is something I do not take lightly. It took me 6 years to become a mother to a living child. All thanks to a mother and father who decided to bless my husband and I with a child. A child whom I did not know would bring me to the brink of insanity but also show me a love I did not know could exist. Let's get back to the point in hand here.

 I am a little late in posting for mothers day but life has been a bit hectic. I just know I got wished a happy mothers day by so many people on mothers day. But I wouldn't have been such a wonderful mother at the time if it weren't for her.  C is like a sister to me. Though her and I didn't exactly like one another to begin with. Fast forward about 3 years and the positive test came.
She came to me and I brought that cheap Walmart .88 cent test.
She went to the bathroom and she hollered for J her boyfriend (Also my bro)
My husband and I sit in the living room staring at each other with our hearts in our stomachs.
I mouthed to my husband SHE IS PREGNANT!
J goes to the bathroom and comes out as quick as he went in.
gave me the come here gesture and I followed him to the back porch.
He says to me," You know we can't take care of another kid, do you still want it?"
Taking everything in me not to scream and jump up and down. I vocalize the very small but huge word to me "Yes".

Fast-forward another month or so I find out I am pregnant.
Through the whole pregnancy of mine I am having preterm-labor and high chances of loss.
At 7 months pregnant I get "The Call" She is in labor.
It was 12:00 am at night. My nephew was sleeping and I was watching tv. My bro R called me and says C is on the way to the hospital that we need to hurry up. So S and I get B up and take him next door to the sitter.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Brain Fog is NOT Always Just Brain Fog

Brain fog There are many causes of brain fog. First of all it isn’t a medical condition. It is a symptom that affects your brain functionality.
HOLY CRAP I can’t think straight! 

Pregnancy is a common cause of brain fog for women. Carrying a baby can change the chemicals in your body that results in memory loss.

Menopause will also put you in a fog you feel you can’t sway from. Hormones shape the way your brain acts and reacts. High levels of hormones impact the neurons in the memory-focused part of the brain called the hippocampus

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Mood swings are something you should pay attention to. It can be a sign of depression. You naturally do not feel as sharp when you have any sort of mental disorder or disability.

 Let's not forget that some medications have side effects that are bad for the brain function so if you have brain fog, take a look at what medications you are on and ask your doctor about it.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a dr or affiliated with the medical field, I just have done a lot of research on my own due to my life experiences.

Keeping up with the Jones'

It is time to catch up to the blog world and it is so new to me. I only have like 300 things going on in my day today. Where do I even start? Ah yes. Once Upon A Time... Just kidding. My mind seriously is mush as I write this.

I am trying to figure out dinner for tomorrow as I am passing out from the lack of sleep. I am trying but I am failing. Oh forget it. I think it may be time to lay back and...just close my eyes.

Does this sound like you? Yeah I thought so. See we are always trying to schedule this and that. We are always trying to be in control of everything. Truth is, we're not. We need to take one day at a time, live life, and we will be happy and feel more accomplished.

So, put up those groceries and get to work doing what you want for a day. Have a cup of joe. You won't have to think about anything else for the evening. Read through this blog and share what you like.

Thank you for reading and please share the love.