Sunday, October 29, 2017

Changing The World One Girl At A Time

I was contacted a few months back by a friendly unknown person. She needed help with the creation of an all girl empowerment group. This isn’t a feminist type of group, or anything against the male gender, but more of a gentle guide to teach girls how to interact with one another. seeking.jpg

We females are pretty much taught to compete with one another. We are taught to compare ourselves to other girls and women. The media even teaches us to break down one another. So this is a big change that starts with our own children at home, and in our communities.

Once I received that message on social media I shrugged it off at first. I have been scammed before, I have had lots of weirdos in my inbox. So with this person not being my friend in real life or me knowing anything about them I wasn’t left with very much to trust.
I went to bed that night and decided to sleep on what I should do. I asked the universe to guide me. And guide me it did.Meditation.jpg

Next morning I message this stranger back and began to ask questions. Even though I had no idea who I was talking to I felt like this opportunity was meant to be. I could trust this person and this was something I was meant to do. I decided to volunteer my Photography for this All girls group and help with social media. I have experience in both fields so I felt this would be amazing.

Those of you who don’t know my back story (ok none of you do yet), to keep it brief, I have severe anxiety and social phobia. To do something like this is extreme for me. It is totally worth it. This is a main reason why I stopped Photography in the past. I was unable to handle the stress of meeting new people and trying to please everyone. panic.jpg I know I am a different type of person than the norm. I am too abrasive to some, too outgoing, too open, often I am just too loud.

You’d never know any of this by first impression of me. I’m shy, quiet, awkward, and constantly hiding myself in corners of rooms or away from people. Most of the time in crowds I go unnoticed.

This group is as amazing for me as it is for these young girls. I couldn’t be more happy with my decision to participate as a volunteer. Group4.jpg

Photo above is Copyright ©Kel Jones Photography

Monday, October 16, 2017

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly.

This is the story of a girl, who cried a river and drowned the whole world.

Possibly Triggering to Some. Discretion is advised as physical, mental, sexual abuse, and suicide is mentioned.

So, I am a pretty open person and I don’t mind sharing photo’s, opinions, life events, ect…

But this is a bit different. This is the utmost inner me, what has created to person I am today. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly. This will be the longest post I have written as of yet, so grab yourself a cup of coffee and take a seat.

As a child I was a mama’s girl but daddy's world. Everywhere my daddy went I did too. On the other hand, I was super attached to my mama at the hip. When I was offered to spend the night at friends house I always ended up calling my mama crying wanting to go home. I don’t know what it was about night time I just couldn’t be away from what was familiar to me. I had a love - hate relationship with school in Kindergarten and 1st grade. Loved my teachers and friends I had, but again I needed my mama. I cried a lot.
I was a super sensitive child. I was emotionally abused by my mother from the time I can remember even up until now. Difference is I am an adult and I know better than to take it to heart. She would call me stupid, a little bitch, dumbass, even at times hit me with something out of frustration with me, but I still loved her unconditionally.

Skip ahead to life events.  Kissed by an uncle with tongue. Never thought it was wrong because I was not told otherwise until I was older. I was only 7 that I remember.
Touched inappropriately by a boyfriend of my sister that I was living with at 12-15 years old and in that time it lead to me performing oral on him out of duty and threats. I felt worthless and disgusting. I felt hate and anger. When I was 15 I almost killed both him and my sister. She never knew and I couldn’t tell her. I knew she wouldn’t believe me anyways.

Brothers were serious drug addicts from the time they were 12 years old. They got in with the wrong crowd. By the time I was 13 or so, they had put my parents into bankruptcy. I was dropped out of school and seemingly going down the same road as my brothers. I never did nor would ever do hard drugs, but was pulled along for the ride during some break ins. I never knew the people and couldn’t take you back to these places to save my life. It was scary. One time at 15 I even was in the position from a drug dealer asking my brother to trade me for a crack rock. Thankfully and respectfully my brother declined, but the situation could have turned ugly really quick.

My sister found out about the molestation situation when I moved out on my own and just like I figured she took the guy's side and cut me from her and her kids life.
I was devastated. Her kids were my life. They kept me alive for so many years. I protected them from that said boyfriend. I started cutting just 1 month after I became 15 years old, dated girls, smoked pot, lost my virginity, drank hard liquor, and then 5 months later my now husband came along.

He saved me from my family. He was the brother of my molester, but that isn’t how I viewed him. There were times at first that I saw similarities in his eyes and lips... But this guy is so much different. He is gentle, never made me cave to sex, never pressured me into anything. He was a friend and frankly the only one I could talk to in life. He is 6 years older than me which made him 21 when I was 15. My mother never saw harm in this because her and my daddy had the same start. They actually married when she was 15 and he was 21. Times were different than they are now.

This guy and I had a rough start. My Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, ect.. He took on a lot and didn’t even know it. He took care of me. He saved me. We married after 6 years together. Lost 4 babies trying to start a family. When we fostered a boy for 9 months, he was 4 years old and had a lot of issues himself. Sexual and physical abuse victim. At only 4 years old this sweet boy had so many of the same issues I faced in life, just at an age so much younger to have to survive. His biological family would not let us adopt him. They eventually took him back. It broke my heart and I couldn’t do it again. I kept my nephew from the brother who didn’t trade me for that crack rock. He was 10 months old and I kept him until he was just 2 months shy of turning two. In that time the very same brother and his girlfriend actually agreed to have a baby for my husband and I. I was over the moon. Two months later I found out I was pregnant.

I never expected them to ever give me the baby. I also never expected for this baby I was now carrying to ever make it passed 15 weeks. My body had failed me so many times before. I became a mother in January and again by birth in March 2013. This pregnancy was different, full of hardships and many almost losses but she survived. People always compared the babies to twins because they either looked so much alike or just because raising two babies so close in age, life was like raising twins. I have never had twins and I had no experience with friends who had any so I didn’t know what I was getting into. Parenting came easy for me somehow.
As my daughters have gotten older and I have added another daughter to the mix this passed 2016, the fear of them being alone with anyone other than me controls me at times. Any time I am out of their sight or control, I am on high alert and anxiety. Sometimes I even cry.

This year 2017 I lost my very best friend to suicide.
That overall has to be the hardest thing I have ever endured even over the passing of my daddy. It isn’t about the loss or death. It is about how they pass away. The guilt you feel over not being able to stop them. How it is your best friend and you knew they had issues but NEVER saw one drunken night changing everything for everyone around them and you had zero knowledge right before it happens.

I do not know how to come to terms with this. So I just let my story be known and be open with others. Maybe my story can help others. Maybe I can learn new ways to not let the things of my past control me. I was victim of certain things but I will NOT be a victim. It will not control my life. I just have to walk through life and learn how to cope. In the midst of this coping. I will be the best me I can be. I will teach my children they can be the best them and not to succumb to life's circumstances.  This is MY STORY.

Friday, October 6, 2017

In Sickness and In Health With Kids

So as I am having my morning coffee, I am groggy from day 6 of this nasty virus that has hit my house. Fevers of 102-105 F. Right now I could invest stock in Children's Motrin and Tylenol and probably make money off myself from how much we have needed to buy. Doctors say oh well, you have to just let it run its course. WELL WHY DON’T YOU TAKE THEM FOR A WEEK! Of course I don’t say it but gosh as this point of being pregnant with #4 I am wore out.
This amazing man I married has been fantastic keeping up and filling in where I can’t. (How did I ever get so lucky?)

How do you get through it? I mean this has been harder then when my two 4 year olds were just babies and I was alone dealing with all of the sickness. Pregnancy I guess. Although pregnancy is tough I have to say that my immune system has been a rock through all of this!
“Insert like a rock - ford commercial music”

As I am typing, swimming in snot, with my rock hard immune system and lack of sleep. I think to myself. Only a little longer. It has been pretty amazing that I found my sample cup of Chocolate greens from the company It Works. A good friend loaned me a sample and I have been super amazed at how much it has boosted my girls immune systems in just the two days I have given them some in chocolate milk. You can check it out here. It is actually the first one to be approved as family friendly and kid safe. Some of these Green products you get in grocery stores have added fillers and other things that aren’t for children's delicate bodies. Okay, enough with the ad. So being on day 6, this sickness is almost over and I couldn't be happier to know this tidbit of information..

Throughout this yucky, my eldest has decided to cut her hair, use an entire bottle of bubble bath, pull art supplies out and tattoo the wall with foam stickers, and find their halloween costumes.
messy-1459688_960_720.pngI am surviving off of my coffee for alertness and greens for energy and to keep me from getting sick. As much as I love cuddles with my kids, I am a solo sleeper. I need my bed back and I am ready for cuddles with my hubby. Please send my house healthy vibes because I am in the process of disinfecting my entire life at this moment. Any volunteers want to help? I have coffee.

Monday, September 25, 2017

Do you need Energy? Tired of the daily struggle to stay awake?

ENERGY! There you have it folks! MY utmost favorite energy drink there is.
As I am feeling a bit tuckered out from having kids and running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I then realize I have an It Works Energy in my fridge! So I pop the top and bring it outside to this beautiful view.

The smell is fruity and the taste in my opinion isn't like some artificial flavoring you'd get with other store bought energy drinks. 

Energy is basically carbonated fruit juice loaded with B vitamins. 

A full spectrum of phytonutrients     • Potent antioxidant-rich polyphenols        • Packed with Vitamin B to support brain function
  • Proprietary Energy blend       • Helps support the body’s ability to sustain natural energy levels

So not only is this energy drink natural and you get your energy from green tea and a healthy dose of B vitamins, it also tastes great!

I know I drink this as if it is a favorite soda.
which means all things in moderation.
The energy I have gotten from this drink gives no crash, or jitters like other store bought drinks I have drank before have.

If you are considering trying out something new that is far healthier to drink to sustain your energy throughout the day please check out GET ENERGY HERE!!

Monday, September 18, 2017

Pregnancy and Periods

Did you know there is only a 30% chance for a woman to get pregnant each month? Did you know most women actually can't tell you when they are fertile? So how do you know when to try for a baby?
  1. Timing
  2. Ovulation kits
  3. Sex
First of all you need to know that day 1 of your cycle is the first day of your period. The day you see red blood all day. 
The last day of your cycle is the day prior to your next full bleed.
I am not going to sit here and say most women are fertile on cycle day 14 like the doctors do. I am no doctor. But I have been through years of infertility to be told I couldn't have a child.

You can ovulate ANY time of the month. Your hormones play a huge part on when you will ovulate. And you must have a leutal phase of at least 9 days minimum for the pregnancy to be viable. On the average 14 days it takes between ovulation and your next period, your body is working overtime.
Your progesterone rises causing your uterine lining to thicken for the upcoming possibility of a pregnancy. This is what you are "bleeding" and what is in those clots during your period when a pregnancy doesn't occur.

When you ovulate, your progesterone will increase. This is what keeps you from shedding that lining when becoming pregnant. 
If you do not get pregnant after ovulation, your progesterone will continue to decrease so that your period can take place.

So now you know the basics.

I am not a doctor. Nor have I had Any certified medical training.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Come One Come ALL

Hello to my life and welcome to my brain. 

If you found your way here by accident, I’m sorry. I think that it is really time to introduce myself.img_3130
Ready for the kicker? I am a weirdo.
I am a married 29 year old
mom who isn't ready to grow up and face this cruel world. I am afraid of a lot and I am
sure in the future I will even write about some of them.

Now, let's begin on why I started a blog..... Well think of it as my own personal diary.
I want to educate people on things I know and have researched, and I want to review things I
Have tried and failed, things I have tried and loved/ or hated.
I have an opinion just like many others and I feel like if I speak on them maybe some other
weirdo’s out there might feel like they have a home on my page and maybe finally feel like they
belong somewhere. I am the black sheep of my family so you guys are all I have outside of my WIFE and MOTHER life here at home.
As I rub my tired eyes and start my day first thing with COFFEE and LOTS of it!!!img_1027
My brain was in so much of a fog that when I was on my FIRST period since I had my
Daughter 4 months after. I applied a pad to my panties but forget to attach the wings. Yep ladies, don't get ahead of me here, I see
You already know what flow overrun and I soiled the couch. Good thing I had a
Red couch!
After that, I looked into my bathroom mirror while brushing my teeth and yelled at myself (in my head of course)

There you have it my friends. Really breathe in the air and listen to the birds chirping or the cars passing by.
Both sound amazingly calming to me. You really have to stop chasing everything in the world and just stand still and let life happen. (Even when your pad runneth over)
You are the author of your life and you are in control. You need to take a stand and figure out if you want to stay in the negative feel sorry for me world you are in or if you want to become self-reliant and realize you can do great things and will be phenomenal at anything you set your mind to.

Monday, September 4, 2017

I am the 1 in 4

I AM THE 1 IN 4!
I know what it's like to encounter every day wishing I didn't wake up. I know what it's like to think about a divorce because my husband deserves to be a father, and knowing he would make a great dad made it all worse. 

Feeling like my body failed me and like it was somehow my fault because it was my body that couldn't keep my babies safe.
It was my body that killed my babies. The babies I have tried to create for 6 years. The future children of ours that my body took from us. Oh the heartache. The photo above was borrowed from Facebook on a public page.
I lost a baby in my 3rd-4th months in pregnancy. There are so many things you wonder. How tall would they be now? Would they have brown eyes or blue, maybe even hazel? What would their favorite color be and who would they look up to?

It's a mess. I am a mess.

When October comes I will be writing a new post. Information will be more updated, and more statistical information will be added. I will be lighting a candle at 7pm on October 15th in remembrance of my children whom I never got to raise. I will photograph it and put it on social media #Waveoflight. If you would like to follow me on Instagram as well I am @meangreenmamamachine
I want to pay respects to all of us broken mamas out there who need to know we are not alone.

Remember that losing your child isn't your fault. We all grasp at straws to place blame with this kind of hurt happens. But blaming yourself won't bring your baby back. Use this unfortunate event to become stronger and speak out. Most people think it's rare but in reality it isn't. The more we speak the more they know. The more we know as well.

I am not alone.... YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Friday, August 4, 2017

When Working At Home With Your Family

Working from home is literally almost impossible some days. You get a mommy come wipe my butt, I want an apple, I need , I need, I need......!!!!! Heeelllpppp!

Don't worry man it'll get better.
So you may think. Trust me, I'll be honest with you. For me it only gets harder.
  •  You become pregnant and worry about the pregnancy and birth. After the baby is here you worry about SIDS and other ailments.
  •  At 1 year you are chasing this little being around and trying to baby proof to only fail when your precious little womb monster gets into the kitty litter box and thinks it's their very own personal sandbox.
  •  The terrible two's come the biting and temper tantrums.
  • The terrorist threes or becoming a threenager comes the "hormonal times" emotions. The whining and potty training that keeps reverting. If you raise your voice the least little bit and your little girl becomes this weird science project gone wrong.

I swore I was done having kids because I had enough hormones going to go around in 10 years. I'll be drowning in feminine products and chocolate every month.
My girls are big sisters now...Yep that's as far as I've gotten before I decided to add another to the mix.
Two 4 year olds and a 14 month old.
What was I thinking??

Back to the topic at hand.
So I started working from home in 2010 for a big name call center. I handled medical insurance claims.
I got cussed out on the daily from people who didn't know me from Adam but everything was always my fault.
Got laid off in 2011 and tried to find other jobs. Yep fast forward to 2012 still no job and I become pregnant. Come 2013 no job but I adopted my niece when I was 7 months pregnant. It was rough. But we made it somehow work.
Skip to 2015. I found this amazing company to be a part of.
I make my own money. I provide for my family. I go on a vacation that I haven't had in 4 years. Not to mention it was at the beach; somewhere I haven't been in 17 years!!!
I was even able to work on vacation here and there because I was free to. Everything was accomplished by my phone and wifi.
Getting paid while you are sleeping beside your family in a beach hotel room is an experience I don't take lightly. It's something I never even would have dreamed of.
It's amazing to say the least.
But the downside is the constant mommy I need you. Sometimes you don't feel that you are spending enough time with your kids. Sometimes the tv IS the baby sitter. Sometimes there is some guilt.
The laundry piles up. The kitchen sink gets full. You don't shower until you begin to smell yourself.
Sometimes life just happens.
What do you do? You remind yourself why you started. You keep pushing harder and never give up.
Why? Because it IS worth it. Because you don't want to go back to getting verbally abused every single day like you did at your old job. 
Because you may be working from your phone a lot, but you are with your family. You are there to hold your baby while she sleeps. To kiss your toddlers booboo's. To great your husband with a kiss every single morning. It really is an amazing life.
Be Thankful for what you have but If you ever want more.. Change your life with me.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Ways To Not Treat A Child.

Sometimes a child is born into a family that is way too busy to be noticed. Said child is necessitating love and attention.
 Feeling abandoned and insecure in life. She gets beat up and talked down on. Phrases like "you little bitch" resignate in her mind into her adult years. Feeling worthless is one of the many characteristics left behind from the years of emotional abuse. Then there's the insecurity of can she be a good mother to her children? Who know's right? I mean come on. She lived in a household being called stupid and a little bitch, how could she? 
  • It is an inundating feeling to suppress daily. Reminding herself that her very own kids whom she swore she would never treat how she was treated may very well see the ugly broken side of her someday.

Parenting is hard. Nobody said it was easy; and while you are reaching for your last cup of coffee and your child runs by and knocks it over, remember accidents do happen and the coffee can be replaced. Your children's self worth can not. 
All Photos are not mine but were borrowed off pinterest from no known original source.

Friday, July 28, 2017

Breast is best...Or Is It?

So, There is a debate always going on between moms. Tell me you haven’t noticed if you're a mom. (Insert Eyeroll)images (1).jpg
We as moms should be uplifting each other and just be glad that we are feeding our children but NO WE ARE SHAMING FORMULA MOMS. Why? Would you rather someone’s baby die of starvation due to the fact you think formula is beneath you?  I agree there’s many ways of getting breast milk; however some of these options are unsafe or costly for the parents. Don’t give me that “Well if you can’t afford the baby then you shouldn’t have had it bullshit!”
So here are pros and cons on Breast Feeding;


1. Cuts back on ear infections due to its natural antibodies in the milk
2. Easier to digest.
3. Can lower the risk of SIDS
4. Higher IQ
5. Less likely to become obese in later childhood early adulthood.
6. Moms reduce their breast and ovarian cancer rate.
7. The bond between mom and baby.

1. Time Consuming- Because moms are always feeding or pumping and scheduling the next feed.
2. Some moms have supply issues which is an emotional roller coaster.
3. Colic can and does still happen
4. Mom sometimes has to have a strict diet due to baby having food or dairy intolerances.
5. Unless mom is producing enough to pump feedings will only involve mom.
6. If you work, you will have to pump in the breakroom/bathroom half the time.
7.  You can not drink alcohol/or have to limit your intake.
8. There is a technique to a proper latch.

Formula feeding PROS

1. Guaranteed nutrition in formula that isn’t missed if mother's diet is lacking.
2. Baby stays satisfied longer which means more sleep for mom.
3. Very rare will you find that baby is allergic to the formula or something in it.
4. Moms can go back to work
5. Can be supplied to you if you are low income

  1. BPA contamination associated with ADHD (via 2007 study although I did not find any further research)
  2. Can host harmful bacteria via the CDC
  3. Cost
  4. Bottles to clean
  5. Possibility of higher chances higher BMI in late childhood early adulthood.

"The belief that babies who are breastfed have advantages in their cognitive development, in particular, has been a topic of debate for over a century now," said Lisa-Christine Girard, the lead researcher on the new study.
Her team found that 3- and 5-year-olds who'd been breast-fed did, in fact, score higher on tests of vocabulary and problem-solving. The children also typically had fewer behavioral issues, based on parents' ratings.
But most of those connections seemed to be explained by other factors -- such as the mother's' education and the family's social class.

“Article on research within siblings differences between breastmilk and formula.”

The above article was done in research within samples of families who have BOTH breastfed and formula fed children within the same household. The findings were shows there were benefits to breastfeeding but not as high as previous research had shown in the past.

‘Above Whole article’

I am a mom who bottle fed my first child, breastfed my second with supplementation for a year, and breastfed my third child for 3 weeks and then switched to formula and I will give you an example on my findings within my home.

Child A.  Four year old female: Hyperactive, No allergies, Very intelligent however does have a speech delay.
Child B. Four year old female: Calm and collected, More allergies than you can shake a stick at, Slower growth chart, Speech is very clear.
Child C. 1 year old female: Motor development is a bit lacking for her age but still within the “normal” charts via pediatrician, Slight skin allergy so far of unknown cause very intermittent, Normal speech pattern for her age range.

Worldwide, there are many regulations relating to food safety. Foods are not regulated in relation to their effectiveness.

Their producers generally do not make explicit claims regarding their effectiveness, and proof of effectiveness is not required before they are marketed. Governments have taken this approach to the regulation of infant formula, so the manufacturers are not required to demonstrate that infant formula is nutritionally adequate in the sense of ensuring intellectual development, vision, and immune system development comparable to that obtained with breastfeeding. This is why barely if any research has been done or even can be found on the proof that formula is even ok.

Again I am not against formula one bit. There are many infants that wouldn’t survive without it.
But what we need is more research on it to make it safer and more nutritional because we do know; our babies aren’t a one size fits all. images.jpgFormula is so generic that who knows if we are providing the best one and how would we know without the science proven facts? WE need to raise awareness and demand stricter guidelines and more research to be done so WE can make sure our babies are getting the best. Don’t you agree?

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Just A Pyramid Scheme

"It's just another pyramid scheme."
 I have heard this so many times it makes my head spin. When it comes to my livelihood I take offense to that statement. I have done so much research on a lot of things, so why would the company I am a part of BE any different?
Here's the thing! 

Sometimes people mistaken multilevel marketing a pyramid scheme because of the last three boxes on the right (see above)
  1. Promises large earnings with little effort. 
  2. Poor or nonexistent training.
  3. Often aggressive in its approach and may even use false information to make a sale. Deadlines that aren't true to urge people to not think before they buy. 
So, there are some that may mingle together a bit but that is not necessarily the companies fault but so called leaders playing telephone. The message gets lost in transition along the way.
 Dammit stop saying it! The words get old quick. I sell a product (lots actually). I provide jobs. I bust my ass for what I get paid. Sometimes it's great and sometimes it sucks.
It is really all in the effort that I put in.  Pyramid  schemes usually sound way to good to be true. Well duh!! Oh and did I meantion they are illegal? Cuz they are! MLM businesses are goal oriented and very hard work at times and easily can take over your outside job. Perfectly legal.  It is all about being consistent and believing in the opportunity.
You shouldn't have to convince anyone to purchase anything from you. So if you ever feel the need to mass message people and give them false info to gain monetary benefit.... you may want to reevaluate your life because that's not how my business works, Or any real MLM for that matter.
Special thanks to James Lout

Friday, May 26, 2017

When You Are At The Edge Ready To Jump

It is a truly hard job being a mom.
You see, most people do not believe that being a parent is a job. It's just part of the life you chose and it's just how things are. You know; because "you wanted it."

 It is mundane and hard. It is repetitive and boring at times. You suffer from lack of sleep, lack of energy, playing referee and all in all, it's just the beginning of our new normal. But while you feel like you are standing on the edge of that cliff; remember one thing. Deep down you really did want this.

It does come with the territory of being called mom. Kids bicker, they fight. But they also give you hugs and kisses as a child, and say I love you. Even at 8-12 they may even still say they need you.

 Nobody who has kids are ever truly ready for that step. Even when they spend years on top of years trying for a family they aren't really ready when those double lines show up on the test. The idea of a family is wonderful and almost fairy tale like. In all actuality you aren't prepared to hear any bad news or lose a baby during a pregnancy.

You aren't prepared for complications during labor, or your baby to stop breathing their first night home. You really never are prepared 24-7 when that one diaper blowout happens in the middle of the craft store and guess who is covered in poop other than the baby? Who forgot to pack spare clothes? Life happens and don't expect it to be perfect.

There will always be that cliff at the edge of your feet. You will have to remind yourself that it is worth it. Because it is. It really really is.

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